


Not the First Time

by Dandy



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 18:39:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16838203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandy/pseuds/Dandy
Summary: This isn’t the first time there’s been a knock on Rei’s door late at night. This isn’t the first time he’s opened it to find Rin standing hunched against the doorframe, shoulders slumped and huddled in his jacket.This is the first time he hasn’t been crying, and Rei doesn’t like that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: This fic contains (off-screen) domestic abuse, both emotional and physical.
> 
> This was originally written for the Sports Anime Shipping Olympics 2015. The prompt was:
> 
> “We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

This isn’t the first time there’s been a knock on Rei’s door late at night. This isn’t the first time he’s opened it to find Rin standing hunched against the doorframe, shoulders slumped and huddled in his jacket.

This is the first time he hasn’t been crying, and Rei doesn’t like that.

“Hello, Rin-san. Please, come in.”

Rin cracks a smile, but it’s tired and thin. He pushes off the doorframe with a speed suggesting he has weights tied to his arms, stepping in when Rei moves aside.

“You don’t sound surprised to see me.”

“I suppose I’m starting to get used to this. Maybe I should just give you my spare key.”

Rin’s laugh is humorless. He looks like how Rei felt, when he realized Rin wasn’t crying.

“Sorry. I really didn’t mean for this to happen so much.” He scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably. “It’s going to get better soon, though, you know? He’s just stressed out from final exams and I’m stressed from training for my next meet, but when he graduates and starts his job, it’s… it’s gonna be better.”

The look he gives Rei is almost pleading for reassurance. The first few times, Rei argued with him, but it only made everything worse, so now he just nods like he’s expected to. Nods, and wonders if it will ever _actually_ get better. “I hope you’re both less stressed soon.”

“Thanks.”

They stand, silent, in the entry for a moment longer, and though it <i>is</i> quiet, it doesn’t feel that awkward. If anything, what Rei feels is anticipation. Maybe he will say something. Maybe Rin will say something.

In the end, all he says is, “Would you like something to eat, Rin-san? I have some leftover curry…”

“No, it’s alright. I ate already.”

“Something to drink, then?”

“Water’s fine.”

“Water it is.”

Rei fetches them some glasses while Rin goes to take his place on the couch. He knows where Rei keeps his blankets now, and he pulls one out and sets it on the armrest. This isn’t the first time he’s slept here.

“Here you are, Rin-san.” Rei holds out the glass when he returns. Rin takes it, sipping slowly. He looks tired, and his eyes fall on a picture lying on the coffee table, of Rei and Nagisa at a festival.

“How is Nagisa these days?”

“He’s very well. He’s going on his first mission to the space station soon.”

“Wow, seriously?” Rin can’t help but smile fondly. “I can’t believe _our_ Nagisa is going into space.”

Rei laughs, also fond, looking at the picture. “Things are really looking up for him. You didn’t hear it from me, but before he goes, he’s going to propose to his girlfriend.”

“Our Nagisa going into space _and_ getting married?” Rin laughs. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not!”

“I can’t believe it.” Rin stops laughing, still looking at the photo. “I really need to catch up with him sometime.”

“He’d like that.”

“Mm.”

Rin’s eyes go far away, and Rei doubts he will. He knows that he’s the only one who Rin has been in contact with, since he moved in with his boyfriend. He knows by the way Makoto cautiously asks, “How’s Rin?” The way Nagisa says he wishes he could talk to his friend again. The way Haru never mentions him.

It’s not right to feel special over that. Not when they’re all in such pain.

“How about you?” says Rin, breaking Rei out of his reverie. “Any romantic changes I don’t know about?”

“Me?” Rei blinks, staring at Rin, staring at the way his hair falls, messy, around his face, he slight smile over sharp teeth, his tired eyes that actually hold a hint of mirth.

He stares, then looks down at his glass.

“You know I don’t have time for anything like romance, Rin-san.”

_It’s only ever been you._

“Yeah, yeah. You keep saying that. But a cute, smart guy like you? You could have anyone.” Rin says it jokingly, but when Rei looks back up, he isn’t meeting Rei’s eyes. “Or maybe you just haven’t met anyone who’s good enough, huh?”

_You deserve so much better than me._

As a few minutes ago in the entry, the two are silent. Maybe Rei will say something. Maybe Rin will say something.

In the end, Rei says, “I have to be up early for work tomorrow, Rin-san, so if you’ll excuse me…”

“Oh. Yeah, sorry.” Rin turns away, begins to fuss with the blanket while Rei gets up to go to his bedroom. “Thanks again, for letting me borrow your couch.”

“It’s never any trouble, Rin-san.”

“I promise, this is the last time. Things are going to get better. _He’s_ going to get better.”

It’s not the first time Rin has said this. Rei just smiles weakly at him.

“I hope so, Rin-san. Goodnight.”

“Night, Rei.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Hello?” 

“Hey. Rei.”

Rin’s voice sounds too confused for someone who called him first. It makes Rei feel nervous. “What’s wrong?”

“Why would you think something’s wrong?” Rin asks, a jitter in his voice that suggests something is very wrong.

“It’s just… something in your voice.” Rei shifts some papers on his coffee table without looking at them. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” A pause. “No, I’m actually…” There’s a sharp intake of breath, and Rei can clearly envision his friend fighting back tears. “I’m not that great.”

Rei gets to his feet. “Rin-san. Where are you?” He’s already to the door before he gets an answer.

“I’m not sure. I walked here.” There’s a pause, while Rin looks around. “Okay, I can see some street signs.” 

He gives the names to Rei. Rei nods, already on his way to his bike. For the first time ever, he wishes he had a car, but he didn’t want to learn to drive. A bike and public transportation suited his needs, until tonight.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Can you go somewhere to wait? Is there a café or a store you can wait in?”

“There’s a ramen shop…”

“Okay. Go in there to wait. Buy something warm to drink.” It’s freezing outside, and the pavement is wet.

“Don’t have any money.”

“I’ll take care of it.” And before Rin can protest, “See you soon.”

He pedals as fast as he can, weaving around pedestrians. Usually he’s not too good at riding his bike (he prefers running, the feel of his feet on pavement), but tonight he barely has to think about it. He’s too focused on getting to Rin, to help him, however he needs.

He arrives at the street corner without incident, and spots the ramen shop Rin must have been talking about. He ducks inside, and instantly catches sight of bright red hair, shoved back in a ponytail.

“Rin-san!”

Rin turns to look at him, and Rei has to hold back a gasp. His left eye is black and swollen shut, the bruise extending to his cheek, and it makes his face look lopsided.

But not less beautiful. Rin’s face will never look any less than the most beautiful Rei has ever seen.

“Rei. Thanks for coming,” says Rin, trying to be casual, and he even smiles a little. He’s gripping a cup of coffee in his hands, though he hasn’t had much of it. He looks exhausted.

“Of course. I’ll come anytime you call me.” It’s the simple truth. He nods at the cup. “Do you want to finish that?”

“No.” Rin stands up, eyes Rei as he pulls out his wallet. “Sorry-“

“It’s no problem,” Rei says quickly, waving it off. He pays the waiter, sleepily cleaning the counter as he waits for time to close, and leads Rin out of the shop.

“I brought my bike,” Rei says needlessly, unhooking it from the bike stand. “It’s not made for two people…”

“I can sit on the back.”

“That would be against the law!” Rei protests, but then looks at the way Rin is standing, shoulders slumped like the weight of a thousand worlds is on them, and changes his mind. “But this is an emergency…”

In the end, he gets on the bike, perched on the very front edge of the seat, and Rin settles on behind him, gripping him around his waist. He’s so close, Rei can feel Rin’s breath on the back of his neck. Rin’s weight against his back is a pleasant warmth against the cold night.

“Hold on to me,” he instructs, and then he pedals away from the shop.

They’re silent for the ride back to Rei’s apartment. Not long into the trip, he feels Rin’s head droop, and then Rin buries his face in Rei’s shoulder, like he’s too exhausted to stay up any longer, and maybe he is.

Rei resolves to take care of him.

“So here I am again, huh?”

Rin tries to sound light-hearted, but he’s a little too tired and sad for it to come out properly. Rei treats it as he intended it.

“At least you know where everything is now.” Rei smiles. He still hasn’t asked Rin what happened. “Feel free to help yourself if you want something to drink or eat or anything.”

“Thanks, Rei.” Rei starts to wave it off, but Rin gets closer, stopping him when he looks into Rei’s eyes with his good one. “I mean it, Rei. Thank you for everything.” He leans back a bit, running a hand through his hair. “My life is… so messed up right now.” He smiles a little. “You’re a saint for dealing with me.”

Like so many times previously, standing in the entry with Rin, Rei wants to confess everything, all the truths he’s never said but that he’s sure Rin already knows, and maybe, if his dreams can ever come true, hear a truth back that he wants so desperately. But he knows it’s not the right time. Rin is hurting. He has things to work through. Confessing now would be selfish.

It’s still hard to shake his head, and say, “I’m not a saint. I’m just your friend, Rin-san. And I want you to be alright.”

Rin stares back at him for a long moment, then gives a laugh that sounds almost like a sob. “What did I do to deserve a friend like you then?”

Rei grins and adjusts his glasses, using cockiness he doesn’t feel. “I don’t know, Rin-san. I’m quite the catch.”

Rin snorts, and it sounds less sad this time. “Don’t let your head swell too much, you won’t be able to fit through the door.”

Rei clears off the coffee table while Rin gets the blanket back out and starts to set up Rei’s couch. It’s a routine that’s become entirely too familiar, but Rei feels that this might, finally, be the beginning of the end. 

“Do you mind me staying a little longer this time?” Rin’s eyebrows are furrowed again, his face fallen. “Longer than a night, I mean.”

“Of course, Rin-san. You can stay here as long as you need.”

“I mean, I don’t plan on staying here for free.” He gives his head a shake, his hair falling from his ponytail and making the bruise look darker than before. “I’ll… pay you back, and take care of my own food, I just have to get my money, and I-“

“Rin-san.” Rei puts a hand on Rin’s shoulder, getting his attention. “We can work all that out in the morning, alright? Get some rest. Clear your head.”

Rin sighs, leaning a little into Rei’s hand. “You’re right. I’m so fucking tired.”

He sinks to the couch as though to prove this, sitting with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. Rei doesn’t move.

“Hey, Rei?”

“Yes?”

“You’ve always been good at being brutally honest.” He looks up over the tips of his fingers, and his eyes are so lost that Rei wants to pull him into his arms and never let him go.

“What should I do?”

Rei hesitates. “You want me to be honest?”

“Yeah.”

Rei nods. “I think you should dump him. And never speak to him again.”

Rin stares at him. Rei stares back, unblinking.

Rin leans his head forward and rests it against Rei’s stomach. Rei doesn’t move away.

The clock ticks out almost a full minute.

“I’m going to go to bed. I’m really tired.” Rin moves away again, but doesn’t look at Rei this time. “You’re right. There’s time to think about it tomorrow.”

“Yes.” Rei finally moves around the coffee table, walking toward his bedroom. “Get some rest.”

“I will.” Rin pulls his feet up onto the couch, arranging the blanket over him. “Night, Rei.”

“Goodnight, Rin-san.”

Rei goes into his room, to give Rin some space. They can figure things out in the morning.


End file.
